Memories: Past, Present and Future

I got a call from the vet yesterday - the message on the phone informed me that Tim’s “cremains” are ready for me to pick up. That message instantaneously took me back two weeks, and I saw Tim’s too-still little form laying on the clinic table and once again felt my sadness and reluctance to leave him there.

That memory then transported me to another vivid memory - this one a short video memory - and I was standing at Winnie’s side, watching her delicate, shell-pink ears turn white as the life left her body.

I think it’s interesting that some memories are snapshots and others play out like short videos.

We all have memories, of course, and each memory carries with it some sort of emotion. Not all memories are painful - in fact, one of my favorite memories takes me back to combing a tangle of knots from the very curly hair at the nape of my sister’s neck when we were young. When that memory video replays, I can smell Pam’s fragrance (she has always smelled like flowers), and feel the damp softness of her hair. I always feel a warm rush of love for her.

Another of my most vivid “video” memories is of watching tattered clouds scud across the face of the full moon as I lay on my back on the pavement, after being involved in a car accident in Australia. Believe it or not, the feeling that goes with that memory is one of peace and beauty.

The odd thing is, I’ve become aware that lately I have been having future memories - memories of things that haven’t yet happened. The most vivid and recurring has been a vision of pulling into a pine-forested campground in the truck (that I don’t have yet), towing the Airstream (that I don’t have yet). Star and JoLee are with me, hanging their heads out the back windows of the truck. This “memory” is so vivid that I can smell the pines, hear the wind rushing through them, and see the campsite. It fast-forwards to me sitting in a camp chair, relaxing in the sunshine, while Star and Jo sprawl on either side of me in black dirt spangled with sparkling pyrite. We’ve just finished sharing lunch and are enjoying the peace and quiet. Nobody else is around. I feel relaxed, warm and sleepy, totally happy and at peace.

(Of course this “future memory” makes me question my sanity. But I figure, if this is as insane as I get, nobody has anything to worry about.)

I do find myself wondering if I’m the only one who gets these flashes of the future. I would think they were dreams but for the fact that they happen during the day, when I’m wide awake. I imagine they are changeable - I mean, if I decided today that I didn’t want the truck and Airstream after all, that future memory would probably dissipate like a wisp of smoke.

I think I’m going to cherish this particular memory. I’m going to hold it close to my heart, as I do my other memories - both good and bad. And when it becomes a memory of the present or the past, I’ll let you know!